Monday Blues

I should have known it was going to be a crappy day from the start. When I woke up, the TV was still on with the same channel from last night, and it was showing the MDA Telethon. I have nothing against Jerry's kids, but the speaker at that moment was an ALS patient. The guy's speech was slurred so bad that I could barely understand a word he was saying, and he had absolutely no control over his emotions (another byproduct of the disease). It was pathetic and sad to watch, and I don't know why I just couldn't turn it off. Some kind of morbid curiosity?

So now I've been crying off and on all day long, and I want to get out to Seattle and spend some time with Lori before there is no more such thing as "quality time" with her. The catch-22 is that now, while I have no job so I have plenty of time to go, I don't have a penny to my name to buy a plane ticket with. I know that her disease is progressing, and who knows how much time I have to make this trip?

So, now I'm wrestling with myself about asking her for the money to buy the plane ticket, but is that really right? I keep picking up the phone, then putting it down, then taking another Xanax so I won't cry on the phone with her, because that will really wreck all my chances of getting the money. She won't want me to feel sorry for her.

I will have to decide something, maybe figure out another way to get the money, over the next few days. Please, if anybody still reads this blog anymore, wish good thoughts for me.

Cat