Saturday, August 14, 2010

Kitchen anger

I was in one of those moods today where I was depressed and angry (at I don't know what, or everything, or nothing). I happened to be in the kitchen at the time, and I got to a point where I just sunk to the floor and sobbed. Well, by the time I had enough of a handle on myself to look around, I realized that there was a LOT of built-up dirt/grease in my kitchen that a cat may see on a regular basis, but I sure don't see it when I'm standing around in there.

In my despair, I grabbed a rag from under the sink and started attacking one of the more offending spots. Although I was still angry and sobbing, one thing led to another and before I knew it, I was 'attacking' parts of my kitchen that hadn't been seen by a rag in a long, long time. It was some kind of a weird release. I felt like I was hurting something, but I could see the dirt just dissapearing as I worked, almost as if I were washing my anger and sadness away.

I can't say that I felt "better" in any real sense of the word, but by the time I couldn't find anything else to attack in the immediate area, I was spent and tired. I didn't have enough energy left to feel like hurting myself or anyone else. I just went upstairs and laid down, albeit still feeling sorry for myself, but I eventually did fall asleep.

I know that I haven't found some miracle cure for depression, but at least I have found a safer outlet for the ways that I feel sometimes. It's certainly better than some of the other crazy thoughts that I could have come up with. Maybe I'll try it again sometime when I'm feeling like crap. One little bit at a time, depending on my moods, and my house just may become the cleanest house in America. Now THAT would be a miracle.



Jen said...

I know we have and may never meet, but had to comment because I, too, do this crazy cleaning-depression release activity! Too funny!

I enjoyed reading your recent entries and wish you well.

girlgonehigh said...

Thanks for making me feel somewhat normal (whatever normal is) it's nice to know I am not the only person crumbling into a heap on the floor and sobbing.